Having cancer is like having a time bomb inside of you, but you cant see the how much time is left. Many people came to us claiming to have the way to diffuse the bomb inside of Emmalee. They presented us with juices, machines, and various homeopathic cures, claiming that time would be added to Emmalee's bomb. However, these cures were untested in the rigors of battle.

Even science had no cure options for Emmalee. Someday we may know what diseases lurk inside us and I pray that we will have ways to prevent these diseases from manifesting. I also pray that one day we will have a cure for cancer. This video is my best shot for now as to what each of us can do.

http://youtu.be/E1nA2injxVk

An explanation of grief and loss. My experiences with grief and Emmalee's book. Check out the link below.

There are no stages to grief

To my faithful, silent readers of this blog, and only to you right now, I am offering a 20% off coupon code at check out. It will only be available to you guys for one day only. 12:00am today 1/13/12 till 12:00am on 1/14/12.

So go to www.dragonflywings4emmalee.com and buy your book today

Where it says coupon code type in "dragonfly"

Thanks,

Steve

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=204&sid=18814407

Above is a great recipe inspired by Emmalee's love for salt and vinegar potato chips.

To purchase a book go to www.dragonflywings4emmalee.com

I have been receiving some amazing feedback about Emm's book. Some can't put it down and others have been strengthened by her story.

"I could have read it from start to finish in a day if "life" didn't get in the way. I couldn't put it down! I've put off sending you feedback because I am at a loss for words to tell you how this book made me feel. As a parent of 3 of my own children I can only imagine the void I would have in my life without one of them. But the book was written in a way that I was able to feel maybe a fraction of the intense pain, long suffering, healing, & most importantly the love our Savior has for each of us. It touched me to the core. I believe that Emm and I could sit and chat for hours about our love of food together! She is a kindred spirit to me where that's concerned

"Just finished reading your book. Loved it!!! It truly inspired me and I think everyone should read it. Thanks for writing it and sharing your personal experiences and thoughts." Mary Ann

"I just read your book and I’m so glad you wrote it! It is a very powerful book. I didn’t want to stop reading (except to blow my nose and compose myself after agood cry). I just fell in love with Emm! I had to stop reading a few times (okay all through the book) because I kept crying but it was well worth it. I’m glad you wrote so openly and honestly. It felt like you really put your heart into it. When I was reading and even now
just thinking about Emm I can feel her love and it makes my eyes water. Thank you writing this and allowing us (the world) to read it." Michelle R.

Friends, this is a MUST read book. I just finished it myself and it is life changing...I highly recommend ordering it. DeAnn

Just finished the book!! AMAZING!! Thanks for sharing such a tender part of your life! I know that Emm is near your family and is so proud of all the good you are doing in her name! Thanks again Steve! God bless you and your sweet family! Jodi

Steve I sat down and read Emmalee's book from cover to cover in a couple of days and I am so at a loss for words to describe how it made me feel. Steve, thank you so much with your courage to write it and to get it published, and to share this very painful part of yourself. I feel like I've known you my whole life. Much love and gratitude, and for a very beautiful 2012! Suzy

What would you be thinking? All kids with cancer are the bravest kids in the world. Emmalee heard people tell us how they knew someone who died of cancer. I was in the grocery store and a woman came up to me and in front of Emm told me how someone in her family died of cancer.

I don't believe she had malicious intent at all. She was just trying to identify with me and my situation. I think we all have put our foot in our mouth at times, but this happened frequent enough that it became annoying. I never knew, until the end of Emm's life, how often she thought of death. She told us, while she sobbed uncontrollably, that she thought of death every day. Scans, doctors appointments, comments like these and being bald kept these thoughts too close to her innocent mind.

I think we all need to be a little more careful about what we say and in what company we say it. Be careful when you are trying to identify with someone that your not trying to one up them or being insensitive to someone who might be listening.

Emm was strong and brave and pushed past many of these challenges. She taught us how to face death with strength and courage. We need more people like Emmalee

One more story that I love about Emmalee was when she was in the hospital and in a lot of pain. It was 2am and she called out to me to come pray with her. I was lying in the makeshift chair/bed in the hospital room. She said the prayer I will never forget her sweet, sincere prayer. She thanked Heavenly Father for things, then she started to cry and asked Heavenly Father to help her get better. She ended her prayer with, Please help that no matter what happens we will all still have faith.

True faith and inspiration from an angel.

To read more about Emmalee visit http://www.dragonflywings4emmalee.com Her story will strengthen and inspire.

If you knew you had a terminal illness, what would change in your life? Now think back to being eight or nine years of age. As an eight year old, imagine doctor coming into your hospital room and telling your dad, in front of you, that you had 6-12 months to live, at most 2 years. What would change. For Emmalee she thought about death every day and did not want to die because she said, "I will miss you guys too much."

How did she live? She laughed, loved, showed courage, strengthened her faith and grew in so many ways. She never gave up hope for a miracle.

Emmalee story is finally done. It is available on www.dragonflywings4emmalee.com

There is a section at the end of the book dedicated to providing wisdom and support to those grieving a loss. Also, for those who do not know what to say to the grieving there is some advice for you as well.

This is the book cover! Mike Magnus, who is very talented, donated his time to this project. Heather Mickey took this amazing photo of Emm. I am so thankful for them

I am so excited that the book will be out by Christmas. I am donating $5 of every book sold to Make-A-Wish. The first printing will only be 2,500 copies.

This is for Emmalee! I know her story will inspire all who read it.

I will provide a website when it is ready. I just can't wait to get my hands on the first copy.

Steve

When Emm took her last breath, I was forever changed. I had never seen anyone die before. I would not have wanted it any other way, but it is still difficult to think about. There are three moments that are the most painful for me.

1. Hearing the words, "She has a mass in her liver".

2. Telling her she was going to pass to the other side soon.

3. Watching her take her last breath.

This is the week she all of a sudden started sliding down the hill toward death. We could have stopped her from sliding, but at what cost? About 5:30am the nurse came in her room to take her blood pressure. There wasn't one. All of a sudden there staff in her room moving faster than I had ever seen them move. Unplugging devices. Within minutes she was in the ICU. There was a doctor barking orders to six or seven others, like a drill sergeant. I was asked several times, "Do you want us to do everything possible to save her?" Two times I answered back, "yes." After a few hours our answer would change, when we found out how bad things really were.

Intubating could have killed her. They said her heart could have been permanently damaged and it was only functioning at 10% capacity. We decided not to do anything, but let nature take it's course. She made it though the day and the night. The doctors did not expect that. Why was she still fighting? She wanted to be home to die. She hated the hospital. The hospital arranged an ambulance to take her home. We rode with her. The doctors said there was a good possibility she would die in the ambulance. Not Emm, she was tough and patient. She waited till we arrived home. I carried her to her favorite place in our house, the couch in our front room. Twenty minutes later she took her last peaceful breath. She was gone.

My little Emmalee,

I miss you so much Emmalee! I think about you every day. I look at your friends and see how big they are getting and I always wonder how big you would be. I know you know how much I miss you and I know you miss us as well. At the same time I know you are happy and are close by and that makes me feel so good. I look forward to the day that we will meet again. It feels good to write this to you because I can get my feeling out. I don't cry often, but writing allows me to express myself more openly. I am so happy that you are out of pain. You have inspired so many people and I know you will continue to do so. There is a hole in our family that will never be filled. We are still learning to live with it and walk around it. You will never be forgotten. We miss you asking, "What's for dinner". Seeing you in our front room watching TV or playing your DS. I miss you telling me that, "girls rule and boys drool". I miss holding your hand, while walking you to your school class. I especially miss picking you up on Fridays after school. I miss your love of food and wanting to try all sorts of new foods. I miss your smile and your positive attitude. You faced death with courage and grace. There were so many who admited you for this.

Thank you Emm for coming into our life.

Love,

Dad

CAN YOU LET GO?

The summer before Emmalee died my parents came over to our house. We sat on the front porch. Emm was inside, sitting in her usually favorite place on the couch, watching TV and playing her DS.

The tone off my conversation with my parents started with the normal superficial pleasantries. We talked about Emmalee and how she was doing, the tests, scans, chemo pill she was taken and how she was emotionally handling having cancer. The conversation quickly turned serious. My parent are not the type to beat around the bush. My mom cut to the chase. "Could you accept it if Emmalee died?"

October 17, 2008 was the day she was diagnosed with liver cancer. When we were told she had a mass in her liver, I vividly remember flashes of the cemetery, where we actually ended up burying her, burst in my mind along with many other images and thoughts. I don't believe there has been a term yet coined for the powerful force that hit me in that moment.

Thoughts of her dying were like a heavy shadow that hung with me constantly. It is not as if I had never thought of her possible death before, but this questions made it real. Could I accept it if Emmalee died? In that moment my strength even shocked me. I calmly responded. "If it is God's will, I can accept it." What in the world was I saying? She is not going to die. Even in that moment, after I said those words, I wondered if I really could accept her death. If she did die what would it really be like?

October 1, 2009 was the day this reality hit. There is no way to prepare for a loved one's departure. It hit me with such a surprisingly powerful force. What was worse the diagnosis of cancer or her death? They both had a sting that will never go away. I can say that I accept God's will but the hole that has been left is something I continue to side step every day. I miss her but know her death has reason and purpose beyond my understanding.

What difficult things in your life do you need to accept right now? I am curious what things people are having difficulty accepting and why. I wonder what the barriers are to accepting something difficult?

What does acceptance really mean?